They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sorry my hands just texted you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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