Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
