OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
