Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we made out on top of his cat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
