the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
