Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
