this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
