We named our party play list daddy issues
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
