Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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