you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
