There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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