yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
