Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
