can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
