Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
