why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
