Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
