and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
