i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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