god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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