Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
