I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
