piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
