6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
