I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize