theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
