Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
