We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
