She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I could fuck to npr.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
