Can i not drive my cunt home
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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