We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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