Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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