i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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