This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize