my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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