Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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