she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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