I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
