I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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