I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
