We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
the raccoons are back...
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