Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
