my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize