All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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