This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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