I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
