I bet he comes in French.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
