My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
