found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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