how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
