worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
