That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
