Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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