I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
