what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
