Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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