Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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