You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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