I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
