tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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