Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
