I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
