just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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