Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
its liver damage thursday
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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