we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
