onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
