Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
