If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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