he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
