yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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