when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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