I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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