i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
