i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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