Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
