I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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